Undone

I would consider myself a strong person. I mean, I can lift things. I can, uh... lift a... suitcase full of clothes.

I can also, in my everyday situations, hold my emotions in check. I'm strong. I can take care of myself and I don't need things. And if I do, I can get them myself, thanks.

But, yesterday, I wilted. I came undone at the drop of a hat and hats were falling all over the place. It was ridiculous.

I was amazed at my inability to hold myself together and my confidence in myself was shaken. Why was I such a mess? I think it's precisely because I've been "holding myself together" for so long. My emotions; my will, just gave out.

It turns out that I'm not a very strong person after all. I think that if I were a strong person, I would have been able "hold myself together" for longer. I would have been able to do it for months; perhaps even years. As it is, I'm useless at leading my own life. I absolutely fail at it.

*Sigh*

This becomes a big problem for me because I find within myself a very stubborn will and desire to lead my own life. Again, how ridiculous.

I was being "stubborn" for a little over a month before my emotions all came crashing down around me. At least this time it wasn't 20 years... like the first time. Maybe I am learning things quicker the second time around.

Special shout out to JB, JCrew and Jin for helping to spur this break down on and for sticking with me through it.

I'm thirsty.


H